Worry, Stress, Anxiety: 5-15-03
What is it that keeps me up at night? And why does it? All the questions that race around my head with no directions and no answers - Where am I headed? Who am I going to be? How do I get there? How do I keep myself happy? What should I do with my life? How can I get to a starting point? How can I make enough money to live? Who am I going to marry? Am I going to get married? Children? How can I get enough money to support a family? Why is it that the questions of the future hex me every night in the present? Do I worry, stress, and have major anxiety problems? Or is this all normal? Are my thought supposed to go so fast that I cannot even keep up with them? Am I the only one that is so worried about this stuff, at this age? Why? If only I could get a lump in the bank instead of my throat, then maybe I could get some rest – or would I just find something else to worry over and keep me up at night?
And all the tension that builds and builds until I feel I will explode, or burst open with my insides on the outside. As my skin is crawling and I cannot sit still I can’t help but feel like I am a 3 year old child throwing a temper tantrum because its legs hurt when they are growing. What the fuck is wrong with me? Or am I just a huge pansy?
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